Blogged with the Flock Browser
Thursday, July 17, 2008
http://www.economist.com/daily/news/displaystory.cfm?story_id=11739532
Foreign policy and the race to be American president
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Organized Prayer
The tears of TEAM HUMANS fans at the sight of Alex Dukalskis limping through the halls of the Deçemko Resort have been responsible for the flooding of at least 8 major cities today.
For those HUMANS out there who want to show their solidarity, which I assume means the entire population of earth (except probably Pasqual), there will be an organized prayer time tonight for Alex's knee, proceeding the tournament. No matter where you are at 16:30 GMT (that's 6:30 p.m. here in Turkey), drop what you are doing and give a personal prayer to Alex's knee. The hot older lady nurse can only do so much.
Until next time, Unite.
For those HUMANS out there who want to show their solidarity, which I assume means the entire population of earth (except probably Pasqual), there will be an organized prayer time tonight for Alex's knee, proceeding the tournament. No matter where you are at 16:30 GMT (that's 6:30 p.m. here in Turkey), drop what you are doing and give a personal prayer to Alex's knee. The hot older lady nurse can only do so much.
Until next time, Unite.
TEAM HUMANS Dominates Early Rounds
Moments before the IDEA World Basketball Championship began, it looked like team Balkins/Baltics was getting cold feet. Why weren't they at the court? Presumably because they had the first match-up against TEAM HUMANS.
Approximately 47 seconds later, TEAM HUMANS was 1-0, having thrown down a decisive 11-4 victory. AD's penetration and dishes, NT's off-ball screens, and JT's inside passing showed that TEAM HUMANS is the well-oiled machine that it's motor oil-only diet suggests. Gotta say, though, those Balkins/Baltics are a class act. Good luck in the rest of the tournament.
Alex drives past the opposition for the first victory.
After being told we couldn't just win continuously all night, TEAM HUMANS went to the sidelines to wait for its next game.
Our game-two match-up was against Bel-Az, another class act. Though Maxim may be one of the strongest people ever, TEAM HUMANS picked up a quick 11-1 victory, featuring probably the last pass anybody will ever attempt.
The status of Jesse's pass.
After some contention on court two, away from which TEAM HUMANS stayed, our third game began. Game 3 provided some tough competition. Tournament Organizer Kent Fielding, who plays like Kevin Garnett and probably has a better knowledge of Malaysian politics, led his team with six, absolutely sick turnaround J's. Gorjan and Ravshan also put up a good fight, but TEAM HUMANS led from the first play and in the end secured an 11-8 victory. In other notes from the game, Alex heroically fought through a dead knee, finishing with the game winning basket, and TEAM HUMANS got the alley-oops going, culminating with a couple of MONSTER JAMs.
The hoop after NT's big slam.
Approximately 47 seconds later, TEAM HUMANS was 1-0, having thrown down a decisive 11-4 victory. AD's penetration and dishes, NT's off-ball screens, and JT's inside passing showed that TEAM HUMANS is the well-oiled machine that it's motor oil-only diet suggests. Gotta say, though, those Balkins/Baltics are a class act. Good luck in the rest of the tournament.
Alex drives past the opposition for the first victory.
After being told we couldn't just win continuously all night, TEAM HUMANS went to the sidelines to wait for its next game.
Our game-two match-up was against Bel-Az, another class act. Though Maxim may be one of the strongest people ever, TEAM HUMANS picked up a quick 11-1 victory, featuring probably the last pass anybody will ever attempt.
The status of Jesse's pass.
After some contention on court two, away from which TEAM HUMANS stayed, our third game began. Game 3 provided some tough competition. Tournament Organizer Kent Fielding, who plays like Kevin Garnett and probably has a better knowledge of Malaysian politics, led his team with six, absolutely sick turnaround J's. Gorjan and Ravshan also put up a good fight, but TEAM HUMANS led from the first play and in the end secured an 11-8 victory. In other notes from the game, Alex heroically fought through a dead knee, finishing with the game winning basket, and TEAM HUMANS got the alley-oops going, culminating with a couple of MONSTER JAMs.
The hoop after NT's big slam.
In case anybody was wondering. TEAM HUMANS will remain undefeated tonight.
In some other notes on the tournament:
Until next time, ceep it kool.
In some other notes on the tournament:
- Congratulations to the Bor-Meats for their alcoholic victory yesterday.
- After Kahlin Whatley's admirable taking it of my last blog post and his sick-ass move on the court yesterday, I'm at this point ready to once again grant him respekt.
Until next time, ceep it kool.
Monday, July 7, 2008
TEAM HUMANS BANNED IN CHINA
It's been all over the blogosphere, so we might as well confirm it: After receiving only 30 million hits yesterday, we realized that something was amiss. A quick check of our numerous devoted fan sites turned up thousands of complaints from Chinese fans. TEAMHUMANS.blogspot.com has been banned by the Chinese government. Many have suggested this is due to our recent rejection of Yao Ming. Others theorize that, with a sleeper cell in Seoul and a declared mission in Malaysia, TEAM HUMANS is attempting a pan-Asian power grab. While we can neither confirm nor deny that we will be taking over the entirety of Asia, we can confirm that there is no "F" "L" or "Y" in "China." At least not anymore.
Meanwhile, the Chinese delegation at the Dikili institute have set up a secret blog network in order to get TEAM HUMANS news to their desperate families back home. Chinese citizens still in the mainland have shown their solidarity by sending us hand-written letters, boxes of fine teas, little red envelopes full of money, pictures of their families, and new nets (as we tend to burn up one net per shot, even when we use chain nets). As usual, we regret that it is literally impossible for us to respond to each fan individually, so we offer this message to our Chinese fans:
Thanks for all your support. We can only hope that someday everyone around the world will enjoy the basic HUMAN right to watch awesome basketball teams tear up the court.
On an unrelated note, I would like to clarify an issue raised in Jesse "White Jesus" Towsen's previous post. He stated that I missed a shot and all five of Mitt Romney's son's blogged about it. While, strictly speaking, this is true, the event occurred during a practice, and I only missed the shot to demonstrate to Alex "The Man With The One Hand Jam" Dukalkis what a "missed shot" was, as the concept was foreign to him.
Now that I've cleared that up, I may be too busy signing autographs to blog again before the tournament tonight. So I ought to warn you: No one knows exactly what will happen as TEAM HUMANS takes the court tonight. If there's anyone you've been meaning to apologize to, now would be the time to do it.
-Nat "Four-Foot Forearms" Towsen
Meanwhile, the Chinese delegation at the Dikili institute have set up a secret blog network in order to get TEAM HUMANS news to their desperate families back home. Chinese citizens still in the mainland have shown their solidarity by sending us hand-written letters, boxes of fine teas, little red envelopes full of money, pictures of their families, and new nets (as we tend to burn up one net per shot, even when we use chain nets). As usual, we regret that it is literally impossible for us to respond to each fan individually, so we offer this message to our Chinese fans:
Thanks for all your support. We can only hope that someday everyone around the world will enjoy the basic HUMAN right to watch awesome basketball teams tear up the court.
On an unrelated note, I would like to clarify an issue raised in Jesse "White Jesus" Towsen's previous post. He stated that I missed a shot and all five of Mitt Romney's son's blogged about it. While, strictly speaking, this is true, the event occurred during a practice, and I only missed the shot to demonstrate to Alex "The Man With The One Hand Jam" Dukalkis what a "missed shot" was, as the concept was foreign to him.
Now that I've cleared that up, I may be too busy signing autographs to blog again before the tournament tonight. So I ought to warn you: No one knows exactly what will happen as TEAM HUMANS takes the court tonight. If there's anyone you've been meaning to apologize to, now would be the time to do it.
-Nat "Four-Foot Forearms" Towsen
Tell your girl you love her. Tell your man he's swell.
Nobody knows what will happen when TEAM HUMANS takes the court for the tournament tonight.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
It Sure Ain't Respekt
Hey all you TEAM HUMANS fans, I wanna start by apologizing to the time-space continuum for that total mindfuck of a post earlier today. A lot of theories about the post (titled "krepset) have been circulating the blogosphere. The CIA has formulated two or three theories, one involving the Soviet Union and another that involves all four Little Women eating papayas with Kevin Bacon's PR agent. But I'm gonna drop the knowledge right here and right on the now.
Yesterday TEAM HUMANS members JT and AD were ballin' with some bitch emcees. This is of course a practice that we are used to, but the level of bitch was appalling from one Kahlin Whatley. Apparently in Philadelphia, if you want to win at basketball, you have to do a lot more moaning and whining than actual putting the ball in the hoop. I was so disappointed with Mr. Whatley's style that I have been forced into the conclusions that Philadelphia has completely missed the concept of respekt. Perhaps they have some alternate way of life called krepset that involves back-stabbing your fellow HUMANS and/or listening to Oasis. For this reason I am sad to say that I have lost the respekt of all of those Philadelphians previous listed.
It's a shame, it's a shame.
Before signing off, I do want to clear up a few unrelated rumors:
Rumor: Nat Towsen invented fire.
Truth: It was more of a discovery, really. Alex stole a pass, dished to Jesse, who lobbed full court for the alley-oop. Nat's MONSTER JAM lit the hoop on fire. We proceeded to cook our defeated oponents.
Rumor: A TEAM HUMANS scandal was mentioned on Rudy Guiliani's facebook group wall.
Truth: I don't know how that rumor started, but it was way off. What actually happened is that I missed a jump shot and all five of Mitt Romney's sons wrote about it on their respective blogs.
Rumor: TEAM HUMANS was started by Caesar Augustus.
Truth: TEAM HUMANS was started by Adam and Eve.
Until next time, tell the Truth.
Yesterday TEAM HUMANS members JT and AD were ballin' with some bitch emcees. This is of course a practice that we are used to, but the level of bitch was appalling from one Kahlin Whatley. Apparently in Philadelphia, if you want to win at basketball, you have to do a lot more moaning and whining than actual putting the ball in the hoop. I was so disappointed with Mr. Whatley's style that I have been forced into the conclusions that Philadelphia has completely missed the concept of respekt. Perhaps they have some alternate way of life called krepset that involves back-stabbing your fellow HUMANS and/or listening to Oasis. For this reason I am sad to say that I have lost the respekt of all of those Philadelphians previous listed.
It's a shame, it's a shame.
Before signing off, I do want to clear up a few unrelated rumors:
Rumor: Nat Towsen invented fire.
Truth: It was more of a discovery, really. Alex stole a pass, dished to Jesse, who lobbed full court for the alley-oop. Nat's MONSTER JAM lit the hoop on fire. We proceeded to cook our defeated oponents.
Rumor: A TEAM HUMANS scandal was mentioned on Rudy Guiliani's facebook group wall.
Truth: I don't know how that rumor started, but it was way off. What actually happened is that I missed a jump shot and all five of Mitt Romney's sons wrote about it on their respective blogs.
Rumor: TEAM HUMANS was started by Caesar Augustus.
Truth: TEAM HUMANS was started by Adam and Eve.
Until next time, tell the Truth.
krepset
- Jeremiah Wright
- Allen Iverson
- Bill Cosby
- Louisa May Alcott
- Noam Chomsky
- Benjamin Franklin
- Robert Crumb
- John Coltrane
- Jimmy Rollins
- Kevin Bacon
- Edmund Bacon
- Louis Kahn
- ?uestlove
- William Penn
- John Barrymore
- Chuck Barris
- RJD2
- Richard Brooks
- Billie Holiday
- Adam Carolla
- Dick Clark
- Philly Joe Jones
- Marvin Harrison
- Ed Bradley
- Sun Ra
- Ed Rendell
- W.C. Fields
- The Fresh Prince
- Sylvester Stallone
- Eddie George
- Thomas Paine
- Stan Getz
- Fernando Wood
- Donovan McNabb
- AMERICA
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)