It's been all over the blogosphere, so we might as well confirm it: After receiving only 30 million hits yesterday, we realized that something was amiss. A quick check of our numerous devoted fan sites turned up thousands of complaints from Chinese fans. TEAMHUMANS.blogspot.com has been banned by the Chinese government. Many have suggested this is due to our recent rejection of Yao Ming. Others theorize that, with a sleeper cell in Seoul and a declared mission in Malaysia, TEAM HUMANS is attempting a pan-Asian power grab. While we can neither confirm nor deny that we will be taking over the entirety of Asia, we can confirm that there is no "F" "L" or "Y" in "China." At least not anymore.
Meanwhile, the Chinese delegation at the Dikili institute have set up a secret blog network in order to get TEAM HUMANS news to their desperate families back home. Chinese citizens still in the mainland have shown their solidarity by sending us hand-written letters, boxes of fine teas, little red envelopes full of money, pictures of their families, and new nets (as we tend to burn up one net per shot, even when we use chain nets). As usual, we regret that it is literally impossible for us to respond to each fan individually, so we offer this message to our Chinese fans:
Thanks for all your support. We can only hope that someday everyone around the world will enjoy the basic HUMAN right to watch awesome basketball teams tear up the court.
On an unrelated note, I would like to clarify an issue raised in Jesse "White Jesus" Towsen's previous post. He stated that I missed a shot and all five of Mitt Romney's son's blogged about it. While, strictly speaking, this is true, the event occurred during a practice, and I only missed the shot to demonstrate to Alex "The Man With The One Hand Jam" Dukalkis what a "missed shot" was, as the concept was foreign to him.
Now that I've cleared that up, I may be too busy signing autographs to blog again before the tournament tonight. So I ought to warn you: No one knows exactly what will happen as TEAM HUMANS takes the court tonight. If there's anyone you've been meaning to apologize to, now would be the time to do it.
-Nat "Four-Foot Forearms" Towsen
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1 comment:
Um, still waiting to hear how the humans did the first night of the tourney. I take it that you're too exhausted from celebrating your win to blog?
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