TEAM HUMAN Rejects

Obviously, thousands attended the recent tryouts to be bench players for TEAM HUMANS. Although we knew that nobody else stood a chance to make the team, we thought it would be hilarious to watch people try. Comedic moments ensued, like when some of the attendees thought that members of TEAM HUMANS took breaks or needed to drink water. One or two even thought that we slept at night instead of dunking on 12 foot rims just for the hell of it. Ridiculous, you might say, but we even had a few applications to fill our purposely vacant coaching positions. Us? Coaches? Why would we need some guy in a suit to try and tame the perfection out of us? You don't add brush strokes to a Picasso painting or notes to a Mozart piece and you do NOT coach TEAM HUMANS. Some players who thought they were deserving of playing with us instead of being demoralized by us:

Yao Ming
Credentials: 7'6"; best player in a country of 1.3 billion people
Reason for not making team: Could not match Nat's ferocity on the boards.

Bill Russell
Credentials: NBA Hall of Fame; 11 championships; 5 NBA MVP awards; Captain of the 1956 US Gold Medal Olympic Team; widely considered the best defensive player in NBA history.
Reason for not making team: Did not demonstrate a sufficient record of winning.

Kevin Garnett
Credentials: NBA Defensive Player of the Year; NBA Champion; 7'2" and can dribble and shoot
Reason for not making team: Weak knowledge of Malaysian politics.

The 1992 US Olympic Team - the "Dream Team"
Credentials: The 2nd best basketball team ever assembled.
Reason for not making team: Lost to TEAM HUMANS every single time they foolishly attempted to challenge us - even in 1992 when Alex was 10, Nat was 7, and Jesse was 2.